I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
