Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize