she woke up with a sticky ear
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
