We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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