Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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