I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
