we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
