If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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