So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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