I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize