I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
