it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
