tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize