Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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