I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
