One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
