He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
