Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
