glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
