I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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