drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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