toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I would fuck him just for his dog
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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