Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize