if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
