why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
