I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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