I want to make a zoo with you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
third nipple confirmed
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
