Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
