there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
