I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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