I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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