Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
