Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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