I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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