I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
