I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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