i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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