His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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