awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
