apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
