just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
