Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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