you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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