We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
