My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
