My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
