I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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