Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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