Me. At least after what I've been through.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
