I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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