White coat. Heels.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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