whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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