i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
