I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
