The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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