I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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