Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
