I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The adults are the big ones right?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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