She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can I color on your dick again?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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