remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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