oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
