Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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