New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize