he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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