So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
