why didn't you poke me back
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
