puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You pole danced in your parka.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
