Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
