there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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