She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't think brook has ever known best
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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