the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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