is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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