Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
