I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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