sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
