I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
