are you still at the devil's house?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
