The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
