why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
