he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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