my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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