she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
